Monday, August 31, 2009

"Jesus loves the little children.
all the children of the world.
red and yellow black and white.
all are precious in his sight.
Jesus loves the little children
of the world"

i love color. brilliant hues.
shades. layers of yellows and
violets and browns.
pink brick. sometimes, vanilla.
a wide, clean,
white. olive.

black offers something nothing else
can. gleaming, muscular athletes.
glistening sweat. and who can sing
like a black choir? or do jazz and the
blues with the soul of black musicians
who know pain like none others?!

i grew up in hawaii.
how come i had to be
tall. skinny. and WHITE?!

in the islands,
everyone was dark.
samoan. hawaiian. asian.
shimmering under the glowing
sun. color was God's idea!

quiet. listen.
my FAVORITE color
is LOVE. i've often
told my children the color
of one's skin means NOTHING
to me. put your finger in a paint
can. do a mural.
does the canvas show kindness?
the breeze in the sway of life? Jesus
with His arms extended? a child
on His lap? the sound of giggles?

my youngest son, brandt,
got married last week. oh,
he will be such a good husband
because he has loved me in such
beautiful ways. amazing son!

his wife?
jasmine. her name fits her.
fragrant. authentic. beautiful.
she is bi-racial.
african-american mother.
caucasion father.

if the color of their lives is LOVE,
their future is bright. jasmine
was taught that the mother
ALWAYS sits in the front seat.
a sign of honor. the color of love.
already at work.

i've always liked brandt's tastes,
in clothes. in his intuitive kindness,
and i like his taste in a wife.

congratulations, brandt and jasmine.
keep Jesus at the dinner table.
don't leave Him out of your prayers.
may the color of love reign as you
build your lives together.

the color of one's skin
is absolutely inconsequintial
to the victories of clean, pure,
love. may the color of love reign!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

written by a 16yr.old girl
who attends celebrate recovery
at shelter cove. modesto, ca.

dear drugs,
everyday that i was in pain, you were
there to take it away. you helped me
escape and forget all the memories of
my life. most of all, you made me forget
"me". for years, i thought that was your
best quality. i've finally realized it was your
worst. you took everything away from me.
my self-respect. my self-control. and slowly,
bit by bit, you took away pieces of me and
who i really was. you robbed me of my
innocence. you took a little girl away from
her parents. a big sister from her siblings...
and a best friend from so many. you turned
me into an empty, hollow shell, the opposite
of what i was meant to be. you killed a piece
of my soul that is so hard to get back. you
wasted so many days that i was meant to
live. when i had you in my life, i wasn't living.
i was merely existing. i was enslaved to you.
loved you. now my life has changed. i no longer
need you to shadow behind me. i'm going to
shine my own light. i'm finally a person
without you. in fact, i'm a better person. i'm
that little girl again. i'm that big sister again.
i'm a best friend again. but most importantly,
i'm myself will be hard, at first, living
without you, but i know i can do it because
i am stronger than you. without me, you are
powerless and without you, i am invincible.
you can no longer rob me. you are nothing
more than the devil on earth, here to destroy
and consume lives. not me! not anymore.!
sincerely, a freed prisoner

we're all broken.
all desolate at different times.
shredded. wounds seared across
our souls. pain etched around the children and i plowing through
cold fields of confusion and the wilderness
of defeat and rejection and fear. BUT....

"my chains are gone.
i've been set free.
my God, my Savior
has ransomed me.

and like a flood,
His mercy reigns.
unending love.
amazing grace."
(chris tomlin)

Monday, August 3, 2009

a thursday.
the sky heavy with
rain clouds. too much

the location: dallas, texas.
in the large home of jenni and david,
their darling one yr. old and dog, bailey.

we drove around, and simply saw a
hair salon. i ran in, asking if they could
do a little french braiding, and wash
my hair? it had been over a week.

10:30 a.m. on wednesday.
then, they called and asked
if thursday would fit instead?
yes. no problem.

a mantra.
a yearning in my soul.
passion. clean and pure.
to touch the world for Jesus.

jenni dropped me off.
i walked in and a lovely,
relatively-young woman
was waiting for me.

before she could put the
plastic cape around my neck,
she wanted to know what i did?
i hesitated. something about
writing that utterly intriques people.
everyone has a story to tell. and i
was weary. longing for anonymity.

not defining it in any specific terms,
i simply said i wrote to put bread on
the table.

oh, ann!
i write, too.
you know, poems.
stuff like that. but i get
discouraged, and busy,
and never complete anything.

it's easy to do that.
i understand.

now, we're at the sink.
she's shampooing me.
she knows how to do that

well, ann,
what do you write about?
tell me. i can't wait to hear.

my head back.
the sound of spraying water.
my eyes closed.

well, i write about Jesus.
of His vast love for each of
us. i write about my children.
about me. our struggles and
failures. our victories. and how God
weaves beauty through everything.

the slash of darkness that begins
to find a thread of sunlight woven through.

this beautician began to weep.
oh, ann, i can't believe you are here.
that i found you. you were to come
yesterday, and i wasn't here,
God did this!!

yes, maryann, this beautiful, majestic
God can put people together for all
His God-ordained reasons.

last night, my
husband left me.
for good. enraged for various
reasons. i was drinking. drunk.
we got into a big fight. now,
i'm responsible for this 6 mo. baby.
and, ann, i really love my husband.

i don't know if your husband
will come back or not. but God
uses experiences like these to
completely break us so we can be
pure. so we are bottomed out. purged
of our self-absorbed ways. so we
stop, and can hear Him when He
speaks to us.

a single mother. suddenly.
doesn't know how she'll survive.
i tipped her as much as i possibly

run into His arms, maryann.
they are never too short. we'll
run together. i know Jesus brought
me right to you. calling you. beckoning
you toward Himself. He must have a
serious calling on your life.

"generous love. God give grace!
huge in mercy. wipe out my bad record.
scrub away my guilt. soak out my sins
in your laundry. i know how bad i've been.

what you are after is truth
from the inside out.
enter me thus; conceive
a new, true life." psalm 52 The Message