copyright Judy Silverstein 2009

used by permission

pain is a gift!

it hurts. it scrapes our

egos and hearts against rock-

hard boundaries. but...

it forces us to tilt our eyes away

from ourselves to others. and

ultimately, toward the face of

God.

pain kneads in us a softening

of our rigidity. our criticisms.

our wilful bent to define our own

journey. leaving God on the sidelines.

believing ourselves far more adept

than He at putting the pieces together.

i have never marched in

the band of suffering with joy and

acceptance. in time, i start kicking and

screaming. i go from shock to an immed-

iate sense of rebellion and fear. believing

that God needs my help to peel away

this claustrophobic tightening of what i

want vs. His will of defined hardship.

i always think of brock, my second born.

standing in the door of the laundry room

where i was folding clean clothes. he had

just returned from kindergarten.

mommy,

someone said something mean

to me today.

really?

my face looked sad.

that must have really hurt

your feelings.

it did.

i folded this five year old

little wonder into my arms.

brock, life is sometimes mean

and hard, but Jesus always, in time,

fixes everything.

i am just now really coming out of

years in the wilderness. and silence.

always writing and speaking publicly

that darkness comes, BUT Jesus never

leaves us there forever. that we will always

laugh again. the sun will diffuse the

darkness. yet, this wilderness felt like

forever.

stop the pain.

turn off the sun, moon. the stars.

close all the stores. tell the policemen

to go home. paint the windows black.

today,

again, i promise you that pain is

a gift. it purifies our souls. gives God

a chance to prove Himself: that love

ALWAYS wins. miracles ARE raised

out of ashes. we can really appreciate

the gifts He has saved for us only if we

have lived with pain.

take pain's hand.

make her your friend.

believe....always...that darkness

does NOT last forever.

today,

as i read your loving comments

on facebook and my website, i

have tears. your love warms my

spirit where wounds once lived.

Jesus is my Song.

the ONLY One who can paint

beauty and purpose in our lives

if we embrace the pain, and wait

for Him to create the sunrise.

dance with me.

take my hand. i love you.

remember that God's

love binds us together.

and our acceptance of

suffering ultimately brings

God's brand new, fresh

tomorrows.

"Dear friends, do not be surprised

at the painful trials you are suffering,

as though something strange is

happening to you.

But rejoice that you participate

in the sufferings of Christ,

so that you may be overjoyed

when His glory is revealed."

~ I Peter 4:12-13 (NIV)

Michelle Meiklejohn

freedigitalphotos.com

soldiers.

marching.

marching.

when our babies are

laid in our arms, there is

nothing like it. so tiny. cooing.

the smell of burped milk .

gifts of God's, to us. we

are MOTHERS!

paint our dresses yellow.

hang the flags on every post.

celebration begins!!

yet..her baby suddenly

gets more attention than ours.

or one gets the croup. nights of

walking the floor. exhaustion.

husbands and babies and the world

to impress and please and nurture.

our children go to kindergarten

and others hurt their feelings.

my oldest was in first grade.

a rainy day. i had my other three

in car seats in the back.

mommy, will you please walk me to class?

please?

and another quiet

please.

finally i took

his sweet, little hand and we

ducked the rain, and dashed into

school. i suddenly could see that

he had tears streaming down his cheeks.

i fell on the floor beside him.

i began to weep. i had not

imagined that this was such a painful

day for him. i wonder why, i thought.

and even as i type this,

my eyes are filled with tears.

every mother has some sad

memories. and somehow,

when it comes to our children,

those don't fit.

scratch them out.

wrap them in paper.

color them black, and

throw them into the river.

i wanted us to be HAPPY!

no troubles. no yelling. no spankings

by dad. warm cake at bedtime. adven-

tures. the bigger world where we all

stood on some higher level of peace

and wholeness than those around us

with all their problems.

however.

along. the. road.

every mother hits the wall

of hardship and pain and worry

and imperfection and concern.

babies become toddlers, and

toddlers grow and end up in

junior high school where hormones

start going crazy. all kinds of

things can begin happening. at eighteen,

they are supposedly adults, and making

their own choices. and NONE of us

EVER always make the right and per-

fect decisions.

my children are my rising sun and setting

sky; my moon and stars and quiet, evening

breeze. my four sons are my everything.

and i believe every mother reading this feels

the same about her children.

but they aren't perfect. don't always make

right choices just as we didn''t and don't.

motherhood has thrown me on my face.

across the carpet of my bedroom floor, and

taught me to PRAY. a mother weeping over

her children.

i love the line,

forgiveness is an act of worship.

mostly forgiving ourselves.

forgiving all the tense moments

when we could have handled our

children better. forgiving all our imper-

fections when we started out sure we

would be perfect. forgiving our children

when they step into some deep hole,

and we don't know how to pull them out.

louie giglio was talking about how inconceiveably

BIG our God is. how He spoke the universe into

being and breathed stars out of His mouth that

are huge, raging balls of fire. our God who knitted

our human bodies together with amazing detail

and wonder. we can trust the God who has the

power to hold us all together when things seem

to be falling apart.

held together,

one cell to another,

by the Cross.

mothers are soldiers.

marching. marching.

always striving to live with

forgiveness as our act of worship.

i throw my arms around you.

i especially dedicate this column

to all the single moms who have

marched on turf most others cannot

understand.

marching as to war!

the enemy cannot have

us or our chilldren.

I corinthians 13

"Love never fails...

and now these three remain:

faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is love."

~I Corinthians 13:8, 13