hit the wall.
drop the jar.
touch a hot iron.

listen to the noise of chaos.
hear the cries of pain.
feel the torch of rejection.

and stand. quiet and still.
feet flat on the ground.
paint the glory of the Cross
on your forehead. your breath
even and calm while life shakes
and rattles around you.

nothing about growth and faith
and hardship is easy.
nothing.

it is late Saturday night.
my day started with the early
service at church. then, lunch with
a friend.
and a quick drive to san francisco
to see jan. whatever positive and beautiful
and kind that I could put into today is over.

did i smile at those around me?
grab a warm hand and squeeze it?
feel no judgement for anyone?
only love and compassion and hope?

we live in such a critical, judgemental
society. and more Christians are addicted
to judgement than anyone else in the secular
world.

life can rattle and shake
all around us, but Jesus is our Conqueror.
our steadfast Hope. the music of His songs
still the waters and renew our urgent
longing for deliverance from ourselves.

remember,
we are warriors. Jesus is our passion.
and we march together. deliverance shines
on our faces.

i love the artistic, beautiful, little house
i rent from my friends whose
large house in front is theirs.

and, yes, i am hopelessly smitten with my
three month old grandbaby. my daughter-in-law,
who i truly love, is being deployed to dubais for
four months (brandt was deployed to bagdad a year ago),
and i get to take care of colben. he has a head of
black curls. smiles. blows bubbles. and tries to
carry on a conversation. all at 3 months.

let's not judge anyone.
love is the ONLY hope.
love! so simple and clean and
pure. always believing God has
the real picture of all our hearts so
He can do the judging and we can
love unconditionally.

fight the good fight.
stay the course.
i love you.

proverbs 3:5-6

gushing with God's love.
running the race for His glory.
with all of you at my side.

the wilderness comes and goes.
but God has amazing surprises that
restore us and keep the passion alive.

the sky sometimes darkens.
the holes we fall into can be very deep.
very hard to crawl out of.

but...God...glorious God.
He is our story. He is our joy. He is
our perfection in brokenness. He does
the miracles. He creates the music.

i know. i have lived long enough
to see the miracles.
to watch the sunrise.
to see the seemingly-impossible
live. from holes to mountain peaks.

i love each of you.
this is our Race.
the Runner we are following is
Jesus.

never give up. never let fear rule.
never take credit
for victories. never forget to praise
the One who forces the desert and wide, lonely
places to clash into honor and wisdom
and celebration.

love wins.
not judgement.
not pride.
not criticism.
LOVE.

today,
if you don't know how
you will pay the bills. or
how you can conquer your
addictions. or how one of your
children is going to make it.
or how to turn loss to gain...
i can promise you that, with God,
you can. i've run way down
the road...and i have seen
the victories and
heard the music shattering
our feeble faith.

God looks at our hearts.
He asks that we keep them with
all diligence.

today, i don't notice people's externals.
with my children, i care only about their
hearts. the rest is periphery.

"everyone who competes for the prize
is temperate in all things..."

"therefore, i run thus; not with
uncertainty. thus i fight. not as one
who beats the air. but i beat my body
and bring it into subjection, lest, when
i have preached to others, i myself should
become disqualified."

I Timothy 4:16
I Corinthians 9:26, 27

on my most difficult days,
i remember you all are with me.
grab hands and never let go.