Tuesday, September 21, 2010

the last gun firing.
the air clean and clear.
peace from years of enduring
and surviving and falling into
holes and being delivered.
pulled out and standing on
firm ground.

that is how i feel today.
my chapters of the new book
are done. no one can imagine
how unveiling and revealing i was
about the last 14 years of wilderness
and sorrow and struggle and survival.

laying out.
piece by piece.
my failures. the story of
my bereft marriage, and how
Jesus led us to deliverance.
of my four beautiful sons.
of their bold courage for me
to tell of their adolescence
and our survival. single
parenting. a path no one
could truly understand unless
one has walked this journey, too.

i have begun to really understand
the Race. what it means to be a
soldier. a warrior. all for Jesus.
to lose and gain. to run and stumble.
to fall and be picked up. to forgive.
and be forgiven. to hold on to and
to let go. to swim and almost
drown. to grab ahold of an unseen
Hand and be rescued. to dare to
believe. REALLY trust. when
there is no money for rent. from
wealth to poverty. to not forget
those around us. never. on the
darkest day, to reach beyond.
all the pain. the self-absorption.

to run with your children. to hang
on to their shirts. to pray rather than
scream. yell. stomp around in fear.
to love them completely. their youth
and insecurity. their lost places. the
journey. the stuff that has made us
more than family. more than soldiers.

we are WARRIORS.
five of us. always watching
each other's back. standing
together. through loss and confusion.
anger and frustration. dusting
ourselves off. back on course.
rage and sorrow. and deliverance.

to you.
my dearest comrades.
pray as the proposal of my
book goes to main publishers
via my agent. please understand.
i will not give my story away easily.
when you have fought and won.
when the darkest sky is being lit
by a shred of sun. and our wounds
are laid on the ground. for all to see.
and my children and i stand.
faces clean and radiant. God's
vast power over darkness. and
we have learned to stare fear and
terror in the face. because of our

living costs a price. for
all of you. and me and mine.
pray for this story. yours
and mine. and for God's
glorious Redemption.

romans 8:28