Saturday, April 11, 2009

jan, my twin sister, was just here
for three days. i've walked my husband
down the road of cancer, and now, jan,
my dearest friend in the world.

i drove her home to sacramento,
and then headed to modesto, to take
colson, my son, to dinner, and to walmart
to buy what he needs for a new job. again,
saddened by his struggles as i am with jan's.

i began to think of Holy Week.
yesterday being Good Friday.
i called each of my children.

remember, today is when we humble
ourselves because Jesus died for our sins.
remember to look for the poor. do something
in Jesus's name for someone.

brock drove in from long beach.
my second oldest son. last night, late.
we'll go to church together tomorrow
before he heads home. Easter Sunday.
the JOY of the Resurrection!

"how precious is the flow..
that washes white as snow..
no other Fount i know..
nothing but the Blood of Jesus."

being brilliant didn't deliver me
from my sins and addictions and corrupt
core, willpower (and you have to have this
to qualify for three boston marathons...and
run ANY 26.2mi.race without stopping) couldn't
lead me out of darkness. only the Blood
of Jesus.

for jan. for my children. for all of us.
only Jesus's Blood can free us of enslavement.
fling the doors of imprisonment wide open.
we are all broken in some way. sick, and
needing healing. of body. or heart and soul.

cry out today.
to the ONLY One who offers
deliverance. the One who moves mountains.
slices through every impossibility,
and raises clean sunrises out of
dark, polluted fears and failures...and
the ropes of terror that bind us. cripple us.

i am not a saint.
i need all the grace everyone
else does. let's drink of the Cup,
and eat the Bread together.
and know...ALWAYS know...
that the Blood will NEVER lose
its power.


Sandy said...

I just typed a long note and I think it disappeared so I am trying again.

Sandy said...


I once again tried to find news of you and was thrilled to find this site. I first read your books and went to hear you speak when I was living in NH and in high school. I was too shy to go up and speak to you but it was such a thrill to be there with you. I have all your books and yes, God has used them in big ways in my life over the past 31-32 years. When I read Seduced by Success, I was so sorry for your pain but so thankful to hear of all God had done in your life. God used that book in huge ways in my heart. Thanks for making yourself so vulnerable and speaking the truth. I was struggling with compulsive overeating and a very difficult time in our marriage and your words were such an encouragement! I read it again and again. Then to read of Will's diagnosis on the last pages. I am so sorry for your loss and all the years of single parenting. Now I am sad to hear of Jan's cancer, too. One of our sons had cancer - it has been 17 years and it is a miracle he is one had lived long term with this type of cancer. God is faithful in life and in death! My husband and I have now been married almost 26 years - God has done so much healing and He is still at work. We, too, have 4 adult children and have had many teenage and young adult struggles. We are praying as our oldest in not too long off heroin...praying him back to Jesus! Please continue to speak truth and believe that God is enough and He is worthy of all our praise. Thanks for being my "friend" all these years and being so kind as to read my letter. God bless you as you continue to serve Him! Happy Easter, sister. Sandy

evergreencascasdes said...

Aw Ann!

I don't know if you remember me, it was quite some time ago now. I use to write to you as a teenager and call you. Probably got a tad excited, you opened my mind to other possibilities. I left to live in Australia and since then lost your details and have not heard from you since then. I tried but to no avail. I hope you are well you gorgeous gorgeous woman.. your babies. Yourself.. everything. I am so sorry to hear about your loss too, Will was such a lovely man, I use to talk to him on the phone too sometimes when you weren't there. My heart sank when I logged online one day and saw in a little blurb. It felt wrong not to know this but life moves forward. I still love you and miss your messages you use to send me, it always made my... week! and know you are very special, always will be. I"m sorry you have struggled during these years and want to send you a huge huge hug for all of the times you needed someone. I would have loved to have made you feel better but I'm sure only God had a say in that then. I"m sorry you hurt I truly am, it must have been a real struggle, something I wish you didn't have to experience so soon. A lot has happened as you'd expect since I spoke to you, it's been years.. but the main thing is, I got married a month ago. It was at night under the stars in a big pegola in the middle of a huge park, with lanterns and candles.. it was perfect. We played michael buble's ''everything''.. it suits us. He is perfect for me and I feel like a princess and its a realisation of a dream come true meeting Dave. I am thinking I might be pregnant too, so will let you know if you get these. I hope your life is magical and that your warmth is still working its way into others hearts. You are special, no one like you and I miss you xoxoxoox

Duanette Raven

barb said...

Wow! Excellent! Thanks :)