Friday, December 24, 2010

it is almost Christmas eve.
please forgive me for not communicating
with you, my fellow warriors and friends,
since right before Thanksgiving.
my first grandbaby, Colben William Anderson,
was born on Thanksgiving day. NOW, i know,
what one feels when your children have a baby.
something so beautiful and pure and...it levels
life out in some miraculous way. all of us...my other
sons and jasmine's brother and mother and i were
all with her through labor and delivery. yes, through
the entire process, we stood and watched this
unforgettable event.

this is such a difficult time for so many.
i have felt so deep under the waters of struggle
and concern that it has made me, literally, put
one foot in front of the other. telling myself,
"just keep moving." pain squeezes our ability
to remember what we have. we are so consumed
by what we don't have. none the less, pain becomes
a gift. it is by gulping a breath of air in the dark waters
of the soul that we realize joy when it does happen.

my book proposal has been sent to all
main publishers. several wanted to negotiate
immediately IF i would just write like the rest of
the world. with full punctuation. conforming with
all the other books in the store. as desperate
as i am for income, i just can't, overnight, decide
to do this. so i wait. wondering how God is
going to accomplish this process. i am so fiercely
open and vulnerable and unveiling that i just
can't decide this overnight. please pray re: this.

wherever you are, today, remember that there
are masses around you that are fragile and devastated
and almost paralyzed by the economy. or with
lost and prodigal children. no income to buy those
they love gifts. shaken by those that won't forgive
or need forgiveness.

this has been the most difficult time for me.
so i am especially touched by those who walk
by. moved by the pain i see etched behind their
half smiles.

Jesus says, "fear not!"
He reminds us that His arm is NEVER too
short to help us. His mercies endure forever.

please forgive this rough blog. from my
heart to this page. no matter HOW hard i've
tried to put together something beautiful for
everyone to read, i have felt too broken myself
to process it all. i love you all. we ARE warriors.
we will NEVER give up. for the King of Glory
will come in.

a beautiful, miraculous Christmas to you all.
i gave a beautiful, little, crippled mexican woman
my dryer.

"i pay you $50. that enough, missus."

"you don't need to right now."

"no, i pay you missus."

her nephews came in and carried
it out to her little red truck.

as she hobbled to hand me the cash,
her face shining, i said,
"elaudia, i won't take your money."

"yes, missus..."

"no, merry Christmas. remember Jesus
really loves you." and i hugged and kissed her.

i had $25 in my account. no idea HOW i was even
going to feed all my children coming home. stark terror.
i was reading in my room when i heard my cell phone,
and knew i had a message.

"ann, i just put $600 in your acct...for Christmas
or rent or whatever you need." mark and julie

$50 given away. $600 given back from God.
without me telling anyone of my seeming devastation.
so GIVE everyone. in whatever way you can. God
will NEVER let you outgive Him. i love you, ann.

11 comments:

Ever Blessed said...

At a time when I really needed to hear it... thanks for sharing the story of the increase, God's perfectly timed provision! And thank you for blessing her with the gift of the dryer. Sometimes things like that mean so much.

Congratulations on the new grandbaby! Merry Christmas!

Mary said...

Ann, you continue to inspire me to dream BIG with God. And you are REAL. Many, Many blessings to you.

Keith said...

Ann, my wife and i are in the process of moving back to Africa for ministry for perhaps the rest of our lives. God fist called us there in the 70's right out of university. Sorting through things from that period in our lives that have been stored i came across your book I'm Out To Change My World. God lead us in a direction i never would have envisioned. As i remember, your voice was one of several God used to prepare our hearts to receive His call to a foreign field. Curios as to what had happened to you, i googled you and came across your blog. i just gave my 24 year old daughter that little paperback book. She is teaching in a small school in the village we are moving to and trust that it will bless her as it did us. May God grant you the wisdom and provision you need in preparing to share the next installment of His message that has been breathed into your life. God bless... Keith

Jan said...

Can't believe I found you. How many painful things as a young woman your books encouraged me through- and now I am a single mother of 5 boys (26,22,18.17,14), ex-pain pill addict and in so much pain. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for writing. You are an inspiration.

Shari said...

Sweet Ann, I have loved you since my 20's. I'm now 53. I loved to run. I loved being married. I love being a mom. Sept. 14 marked the end of my married life when my husband made it legal. I am a mom with 4 (23,21,18,15) wonderful sons, who are my real life angels. I am a crushed, frightened, confused woman who loves her God, and her angels. Thank you for your life, Ann!

Sheryl said...

Ann,
So glad I found you on facebook and this blog. I have been reading your posts. Same sweet, transparent Ann. I love it!

When I first became a Christian in 1979 I found your books. I think I have everyone of them. I saw you in person once at Jesus Rocky Mountain in Colorado. What a fantastic memory that is!

Keep the faith! God has given us His wonderful Holy Spirit to live in and through us.

Congratulations on the new grandbaby!

Hope you had a great Christmas.

Sheryl

Doris said...

As a young person in the 70's I read one of your books. I don't know which one but I loved your writing and it tenderized my heart for Christ. I had been trying to remember your name but only knew it was simple enough that if I heard it I would know it was you. Then one day I was out with a group of church ladies and heard one of them say your name. It rang the bell in my mind that said, "That's it, Ann Kiemel!" Now that I have found you once again I'm on my way to a reunion. This time it'll be even sweeter to hear your voice and read your books now that I know God brought your name up for me to hear once again and I thank God for graciously allowing me to reunite my memory of a beloved author, and sister in Christ. I'm now on my way to actually getting to hear your voice and read your books as I search for you on iTunes, Amazon, and Facebook. I'm so happy! :)

Doris said...

I read one of your books in the late 70's and fell in love with Jesus. I could feel God's love through your precious simple words and while the world around me felt hurtful the words of love you wrapped me in soothed my pain. I have often wondered as an adult what your name was. I only knew if I heard it I would know that was you. Recently I was out to dinner with a group of church friends when I overheard one of them say your name. I wrote it down and just now looked you up. I'm so happy that I have reunited with you and can now read your blog, search iTunes, Amazon, Facebook, and the whole internet for your priceless, timeless words. I think one of the main memories about your writing was it was simple, without the usual caps, punctuations, and paragraphs that made your book unique. A person could open one of your books and recognize it was yours without looking at the cover. It was your unique style that autographed each very personal copy and besides the love it's the most memorable thing about your books and you wouldn't want to lose that. Publishers should be told that you still have a fan club that may have forgotten your name but would recognize your style. I so look forward to reading your loving, heart melting words once again. :)

TARSmith said...

Ann, I've not got a comment on your post but on your absence since December. I simply wanted to say you're missed and that I hope all is well.

barb said...

Colben William Anderson!! Welcome to the world! How exciting for you Ann! Joining the strong proud ranks of grandmother hood. Many of my friends are overjoyed with the experience. : ) My heart is happy for you. <3

"it is by gulping a breath of air in the dark waters
of the soul that we realize joy when it does happen."
Very profound!

"IF i would just write like the rest of
the world. with full punctuation. conforming with
all the other books in the store."
May it never be so!!!! Stay true to yourself!!!!

"His arm is NEVER too
short to help us. His mercies endure forever."

Love you Ann!

Unknown said...

Ann,
Don't know if you remember me From Idaho Falls, My daughter is Shasta and I'm sure she would love to hear from Brock and Taylor. If you do remember me I still live here.

We have missed you.

God Bless You.

Julie