Friday, March 27, 2009

there are a lot of losses
for every important gain.
roadblocks. mountains. rivers.
doors slammed in our faces.
corners of our souls caving in.

and then, God
gradually begins to lift us
into the light. away from the
weariness and fray. the depression
and doubts. and He begins to breathe
life into our dreams.

i have always been a dreamer.
always believed that nothing is
impossible with a giant God.
i've spoken it. written it. and
taught my children. written the
glory of what God can do if they
don't give up across the walls of
their hearts.

brock is my second oldest. ll months
younger than taylor. since junior high,
he has dreamed of playing bass in a band.
though academically gifted, college has had
no appeal. hey, he was willing to live in
his car just to tour with a band. he spent
hours and hours at the computer in our kitchen.
scrolling to all the bands. listening to every
genre of music. i'd take him to local con-
certs. he looked normal. everyone else would
be hanging around the doors with mohawks and
piercings. terrified me.

no piercings in this family until you are
eighteen yrs. old, and NO tatoos until you
are living on your own.

brock and i spent hours at the guitar store.
i'd sit on a speaker, and watch him pick chords
on all kinds of basses. i truly knew how beauti-
ful his heart was. how he wanted to minister to
kids. i was on his team!

he and taylor moved to san diego after taylor's
college. he auditioned for a big band and got se-
lected. toured 6 wks. each summer. that band dis-
mantled. he started a couple bands of his own, but
no one had his passion. and darkness settled in.
consuming any hope. abolishing the dream. he was
with me on a trip to alabama. he told me about his
despair. mother's day, 2008. we started walking.
brock, again, handing me his pain like a gift. soul
to soul.

then, last night.
the call came.
mom! remember the band i told
you about. played background for
a big, hollywood movie? i auditioned
last night, and am playing with them
at a big gig in hollywood in may!

sometimes, it is years.
i've been through the wilderness
myself. no sound from heaven. not
even a whisper. for years and years.
BUT, with a great, glorious God, and
time, dreams DO live. never, ever, ever
give up. the losses add up, and cres-
cendo into a magnificent, new tomorrow.


kathy e said...

I was thinking of you today, and googled your name...Cannot believe I found your have meant so much to me over these many years. Heard you in person at Westmont over thirty years ago, have a letter from you stating, "baby will come" and they did...three! Thank you for your openess and realness that reminds me where I was thirty years ago, and need to be again!

karen gilmore said...

Darling Sweet Ann,
Thank you for sharing on this blog,
I, like so MANY others have MISSED you, and am THRILLED to of "found" you again...!
.... you have been a gift to me.. Over that last 30 years .I have read and re-read every one of your books!.. I would love to write you and send you encouragement, as you have done for me....
I love your post today.. I can TOTALLY relate...
I have 4 beautiful sons... one of them.. Micah, is 24, an actor) living between N.Y>City and L.A.~ (where-ever there is work!.) Oh, how your story today about Brock, with his desire to perform, is just like my son. Everyday I pray, Jesus, you MUST need "good"~ kids in Hollywood, and New York...!
I"m so happy for Brock and for YOU!.. that he is performing again.. may our boys never loose their passion.. for the talent that God has given them... and ***** Lord please give them oppertunity (work).. So they can pay their rent! oh , I could say so much more..but this is not the place..
Love you Ann... Karen

donna reames rich said...

Right on target, as usual, Ann. God shines through you.

donna reames rich said...

Philippians 4:6,7

Cynthia said...

God Ann,you are so right. I taught school for 24 years. During that time I touched the lives of many children. God annointed me for this incredible job, and I was so good at this job, but a Christian can only last in the public school system for so long and then compromises must be made. I made several but I began to realize that I could not stay and also keep my integrity. So, I left. It has been hard to know who I am after this. But, on Friday night God touched my prayer life in a new way. He has given me a new spirit that is strong and refuses to give up. It has been a few years and just the other day I wrote of my struggle with producing fruit. I fell down but Friday night I got up again. I am determined to allow God to produce fruit in my life. I found out that the key is prayer, and developing a spiritual warfare prayer life. I found that I will have to pray even when my emotions are not in a turned on position. Thank god for great prayer books that have gone on the market. Thank God for the Psalms. Thank God for you Ann and your obedience to share experiences that we all can use. I AM RUNNING WITH YOU AND I WILL NOT GIVE UP!

barb said...

Thanks! Very encouraging to me today as I'm coming upon a year now without a job. I'd be happy for any kind of passion right now.