Tuesday, August 9, 2011

i had one of those dreams you
don't ever want to awaken from. I was, say
28 yrs. old. lithe and willowy and dressed in
wrinkled linen. a flower pinned in my hair.
a large room. somewhere in the south. packed
crowd who had hired my father to be their pastor.
that frightened me because he was so human.
so...i smiled. radiantly. holding a beautiful, frizzy-
haired little girl that we, as a family, had adopted...and
adored. love rained down. and i felt ebbulliant. captured
with joy. of course, my father had not spoken yet.

george clooney was even in the dream. eyes focused
on me. flirting. obviously, a fantasy. i haven't ever...even...
dreamed of a movie star. nor has one, i'm positive,
ever dreamed of me.

the sun slid into my bedroom.
spilling the reality that night was done.
over. and i awakened to reality. i am no
longer young. my children are 22, 23, 26, 27.
my hair has to be high-lighted. often, i am yanking
little white hairs from their roots.

the most beautiful, shivering joy that remains
unmarred is my pure passion for Jesus...and my
sons. every day, i search for opportunities to speak
the name of Jesus. so much POWER in just saying
His Name. and my children? i am the
richest lady on earth because i get to be the mother
of taylor, brock, colson, and brandt. we have had
so many hardships that not even silly contradictions
among us quiver with the raw, tight, coarse rope of love
that binds us. uh-huh!!! when one of my sons calls, and
i am on my way out the door. arms loaded with stuff, and
lots to get done. i stop. drop everything to the floor.
plop down. and listen. silently praying for God to guide
me in advising them. God's given us so MANY answers
and promises in those moments.

if you are younger than 55 yrs. of age,
listen to those who have walked much farther
down the road. shhhh. listen. hear the rushing
water of lessons learned. let the roar of trouble
lead you to those who have lived long enough
to know the ways of God. roar, waters, roar. then...
quiet us so we can hear and see and brush the
troubles far enough beyond us that the
music becomes a choir.

please forgive this blog.
i typed an original story of hope,
and realized that only the first few lines
were all that took hold. everything else was gone. disappeared.

don't let magnificent dreams
excuse you from the adventures
that can only be learned by the laid out
footprints of rugged, holy living. remember,
dreams can only live if they first die. and
sunrises come when we finally lay down our
sorrows, and keep our faces turned skyward.

Jesus lives. Jesus lives.
hallelujah, He reigns.


6 comments:

theophobe said...

You have been on my heart an in my prayers lately. I recall sitting listening to you speak of being bright eyed young woman who would encounter sullen people on a park bench, a bus or elevator. You told of singing a simple song, one I have sung often, which would evoke a hint of light into these person's lives.
I have wondered, reading your honest writings of late; "How would the seasoned Ann, receive the idealistic younger woman if they were to encounter?"
The hardships of life that you find and have found does not diminished the joy of God that is your Christian hope.
As a minister of a predominately elderly parish, I often try to evoke the youthfulness within the aged to recall that the disappointments of the held hope were not of God as He is but of our expectations of what a holy life is.

PrairieWind said...

Hi Ann,
I picked up your book, I love the word impossible and read it again. Some (oh dear, has it been THAT long????) years ago my friend gave me this book. I enjoyed it them and had highlighted some areas. Interesting to read it again, further on in the journey and more life experience under my belt (that's more than just experience under my belt but we won't go there!) Just started running and ran a 10 mile race for a cause. Visited with a lady the whole 10 miles! It was GREAT!
Am struggling with running, with decisions and with life. YOu write of your dreams and of God's dreams. Have I lost my ability to dream or hear God's dream for me in the midst of raising a family and doing the 'jobs'? How do I get that back, I wonder. Presently, I am volunteering at a summer camp. This morning's devotional leader challenged us with this question: When was the last time you CHANGED after reading Scripture? I guess there is my answer to my first question, eh.
Thank you for your writings. Just found this blog on the internet and haven't really read up on what you are doing but I am glad to see you are still writing.
God's blessings to you.
(And now I will peruse the rest of this blog)

barb said...

As always enjoy your thoughts, your words, your insight! Blessings!

barbara said...

Hi Ann: about your dream: I think that the part about seeing George Clooney and him flirting with you (very believeable dream!!) when you were about 28 or so is a picture of the life you were actually living in Boston (all I know of your life is from your books). In one or two books, you described how interesting, charismatic guys back then (in Boston)were paying personal attention to you and kind of challenging your Christian beliefs; I think the dream about George Clooney represents that time in your life. Your father preaching is in the background of this life you were leading. I know that the Lord has in my life given me at least several dreams which showed me that He was with me; although--I once dreamed about Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts?? where did my mind conjure her up? ha ha. but George Clooney in your dream---definitely a representative figure of all the"suave", "sophisticated" Boston men you met while living there. I don't know what the entire dream would mean, but maybe the Lord will show you. with love and prayers, Barbara(Titusville, FL)

Judi said...

During a time of reflection and self-confrontation, I sensed God telling me to contact Dan (not his real name), a former colleague, and apologize for the way I acted when we worked together. I went so far as to look up Dan's telephone number. Then Satan went to work on me. "Why bother, after all this time? He'll think you're crazy. He won't forgive you anyway, why humiliate yourself?" I didn't make the call. Three months ago, I opened the newspaper and saw Dan's obituary. The shame and guilt over my actions when we worked together returned in full force, augmented by the knowledge that I had ignored God's command. What I want to tell everyone is not to ignore a nudge from God. If He is leading you to apologize to someone, do it right away. Don't put it off.

TARSmith said...

Ann,
You're missed. I keep checking to see if you've written anything new on your site and it's been over two months. Just consider me a concerned fellow traveler.